• I am...
• Trauma
• Surreal
• Walking Proud

• Unite!
• Still Alone
• Dolls
• End of the World

• poker face
• HOPE or PAIN
• Moments
• CAROLS
• Voyage

• Real Me
• Notes, etc
• Site

Notes, etc

As you may have noticed, this mini-shrine is constructed around songs by my personal favorite musician: Ayumi Hamasaki. Ayu is an extremely talented singer, lyricist, and composer (under the name CREA) who writes songs that almost always make me think of Tifa.

Like Tifa, Ayu's lyrics evolve from early laments of loneliness to reflections and self-analysis, finally giving way to taking the reigns and assuming her duty. She makes mistakes, she takes a step off track every now and again, but she comes through when it matters. In the end, she believes in strength in numbers and surrounding herself with loved ones to get by from day to day, something Tifa realizes all too well.

Even before Tifa returned for the sequel -- before she had a voice in the literal sense -- Ayu's words were ringing through my head. Although I didn't necessarily picture her as the speaking voice of Tifa -- as mentioned in Real me, I played the English version of the game -- I saw her as Tifa's conscious. She sings of everything Tifa wanted to say -- to scream, perhaps -- but could not.

It should be noted, however, that neither character is static. Both Tifa and the "Ayu" persona have grown over the ten years they've been in their respective businesses. Tifa's maternal nature has become integral to her character arc, a subject rarely breached in Ayu's work. Perhaps this is best explained by Hamasaki herself, who told CNN "I don't want to become an adult". Granted, Tifa's struggle with her emotions could be seen as immature, even childish, but she has a desire -- a need even -- to be the adult in her relationships at least some of the time.

Nevertheless, a common thread continues to run through these personalities: they are strong women. The world changes around them, but they keep walking proud.

I am... (Tifa)

Ayu's previous original albums opened with instrumentals that built up to the first vocal track. Imagine the surprise of many a fan who popped I am... into their CD players, only to be met by that forceful, even raw proclamation. There were no instruments to back it up, no gloss to soften the blow. This was Ayumi Hamasaki.

That seemed like a good foot to start on here at NEVER EVER.

"I am..." was chosen to introduce Tifa more so for the title than any of the lyrics, but I feel it's more appropriate now in light of Advent Children than it was for Final Fantasy VII. I always saw Tifa as someone who wants to be a good person, but is very self-conscious of this desire. She was afraid that the good deeds she did were done because she wanted to be a good person, not because she was a good person. It feeds an endless cycle of doubt that causes her to bottle everything up until she explodes in Advent Children.

Similarly, "Trauma" was chosen to introduce Tifa's history based on its title before anything else, but the lyrics are surprisingly fitting--especially when contrasted against its upbeat, poppy arrangement.

"SURREAL" was admittedly tacked on at the last minute when I considered including weapons/Limit Breaks a "character shrine" necessity. The section isn't particularly inspired, a shame since "SURREAL" is a fantastic song. In retrospect, I probably should have done away with that section entirely, and I may do so in the future...

"walking proud " is another beast entirely. Released at least two years after NEVER EVER first hit the net, it was a song that I immediately associated with Tifa.

One of the most common critisicms of Tifa's character is that she "lied" to Cloud about his past. Yes, that wasn't the best option, but she's a twenty year old girl. She's not superhuman, and she was scared. The important thing is that when push came to shove, she stepped up to the plate and did the right thing. That's what "walking proud" is about. Sure she may stumble from time to time, but -- thanks to a little outside inspiration -- she'll know to do otherwise in the future, and she'll do it with her head held high. And let it be known that that's no easy feat when dealing with Mr. Strife.

Hope or Pain (the Cloud factor)

When I first opened this site, I based a lot of my decisions on the English titles more so than the lyrics themselves, thus the Cloud section had originally been based off of a warped version "Dearest". "still alone" is a much better fit, though I was reluctant to use it since the title sounds so... fatalistic. Tifa isn't really "still alone" by the end of her story--even before the sequels.

Because Cloud is the main character and Tifa is integral to his development, one section was not enough to sum up their relationship. It's a dynamic relationship that evolves alongside their characters. She struggles with watching him from afar, they come together for a mutual understanding, and -- as we see in the sequels -- when they finally decide "hey, let's try this relationship thing", they really have to work for it. I've come to identify this particular song with Tifa through much of Final Fantasy VII as she tries to figure out Cloud and where she stands with him; the rest is spread over at least four additional songs.

(And before you ask, yes, the "?" is in the original text. Although Ayumi Hamasaki doesn't use English phrases in her lyrics as frequently as some of her peers, it's not too uncommon to see Western punctuation in her work.)

Tifa's relationship with Cloud is probably one of the strongest parallels between her character and Ayumi Hamasaki's words. Songs that don't speak of loneliness usually deal with relationships. With the relationship driving On the Way to A Smile and -- to a lesser extent -- Advent Children, it wasn't too difficult to match songs to accompany the story.

Though that's not to say I didn't take some... liberties.

"HOPE or PAIN" is the primary reason I decided to make a "notes" section. I admittedly took several of the stanzas out of context. The original "HOPE or PAIN" suggests that the speaker -- Ayu? -- pushed this perfect partner away and now struggles to reconnect, unable to go through with even a phone call. In the case of Tifa's relationship with Cloud, it is his inner-demons -- the past that's finally catching up with him -- that pushes him away, though I suppose one could play the devil's advocate and say Tifa assumed the blame herself.

It would be consistent with her history for her to do so. She was always the one to take responsibility for everyone else's well-being, and it wouldn't be much of a stretch to say she attributed at least a fraction of Cloud's breakdown to her own actions. However, her explosion in Advent Children shows that she has him figured out. She knows what's ultimately holding him back and makes an effort to bridge the gap between them. This action alone differs drastically from the scene described in the song, but it certainly made for a nice setup.

UNITE! (other relationships)

As was alluded to before, many of Ayumi Hamasaki's songs revolve around relationships and the self-erected barriers that tear them apart. However, she did go through a period of... enlightenment (so to speak), in which she wrote many songs about the "bigger picture" and the importance of surrounding oneself with loved ones. Also as was mentioned before, this is something in which Tifa believes very strongly, so it would seem like a good fit. However, many of these "enlightened" songs are very broad -- they talk about the world as a whole -- and so it was difficult to comfortably apply them any one person or even a handful of close friends.

"Voyage", although applied to a specific point in the narrative, probably describes both Ayumi Hamasaki and the Tifa character's outlook on life and friends the best.

I have to admit that Advent Children really endeared this song to me; it did the same for "poker face". I "stumbled" upon both by chance when they rotated onto my iTunes playlist, and I was struck by how well they fit the recent developments in Tifa's life--even though they were written about four years apart.

What about NEVER EVER?

...I honestly don't know why I identified this song with Tifa. It just clicked.

Wasn't that insightful? I don't know; I admit that I've kind of run out of steam at the point. This section is presently preventing the new layout you will be (are? weird sentence!) looking at from being uploaded, so perhaps I'll be motivated to add something more in-depth later...

Want to hear the music that inspired the shrine?

An overwhelming amount of the songs featured here are available for purchase at the US iTunes Music Store. For your convenience, I've created an iMix featuring the songs that inspired NEVER EVER (there are doubles because I chose to include both the original mixes and the "Classical" versions when available). You can view it by surfing on to the NEVER EVER iMix with your iTunes application. If you live outside of the US, you can stream 30 second samples of each songs, but you will not be able to purchase directly from the store (but do a quick search and you'll find she's released at least one album -- GUILTY -- in your region! Give it a listen).

Alternately, her official site's discography has recently been overhauled to include streamable music files. Click on an album cover to open a special media player that streams samples from each track.

If the songs you want are not yet available for download in your region, check out the Ayu Shopping Guide I prepared for my fansite to learn about affordable import methods.

Official sources consulted

As I said before, NEVER EVER is the sum of my love for Tifa over the past ten years. This love has grown and changed as I've learned more about her story, both in the emergence of new Compilation installments and my own growth as a competent viewer and reader. The view reflected on NEVER EVER was primarily sculpted by the following materials:

• Original Final Fantasy VII (US Playstation)
• Advent Children DVD (Japan and US)
• On The Way To A Smile (Japan; Xcomp fan-translation)/The Novel (US official localization)
• 10th Anniversary Ultimania (still being integrated)